Where does this come from?
I did not ‘plan’ for this to be my path. At a very early age I became aware of the fact that my experience of the universe was vastly different than what others experienced. This awareness, this realization, that my experience was somehow different came into sharp relief in the midst of a particularly difficult time in my young life.
From the outside, I was simply a kid who developed a seemingly inexplicable fear of the night. These things happen, kids go through phases, then they outgrow it and move on. That’s the accepted ‘wisdom’ of our society. My experience was something altogether different. Vastly different. On one point, both perspectives agreed – I was terrified of the night. Beyond that, they could not have been more different.
Only many years later did I finally reach a level of awareness that afforded me an understanding of that experience on a much deeper level. At the time, however, all I knew was that something huge, amorphous, dark and menacing was lurking about. I knew with absolute certainty that this, this thing (for lack of a better term) posed a serious threat to me. To my very existence. Compounding my sense of existential dread was the hard learned lesson that I alone was aware of the realness of this ill wind that was part of my family.
As a result of that experience I have quietly lived my life knowing there’s much more going on than meets the eye. I have followed many seemingly disparate paths, exploring and experiencing different fields of inquiry that, as they unfolded, seemed to follow no particular logic. The one constant that has unified everything has been an unquenchable thirst to understand ‘how shit works’. More recently, these different paths have begun to merge, with the wisdom afforded by each complimenting the wisdom afforded by the others. I am in awe of the elegance by which I have been guided along my path.
In an effort to further my education and understanding of ‘how shit works’, I found myself making an announcement to the universe that I was looking for a teacher, a guide. I had envisioned a teacher rooted in the wisdom of the Indigenous peoples. Much to my surprise, what I received was an introduction to the power of the breath.
Sages and mystics have understood and utilized the power of the breath to open the doors to a myriad different realities for ages. In Western cultures this wisdom was not widely understood nor practiced until the 1960’s. Following the government’s decision to demonize the use of psychedelics Stanislov Groff, an accomplished scientist who had been deeply involved in scientific research on the power of psychedelics, rediscovered breath work. Realizing the significant overlap between the effects of psychedelics and breath work, he embraced breath work and was instrumental in introducing the technique to the West.
I spent several years exploring the power of this technique. I learned the nuances of the practice, variations of which open different realms to explore. It was during one of my early breath work journeys that I first experienced Grace. True Love. The Love of Spirit. That which is known by a thousand names yet remains nameless. Completely surrounded by and cradled in this pure loving energy, I felt myself open up to and become infused with knowledge, wisdom and deep understandings. From that point forward, every journey was a journey of discovery during which I was infused with ever more knowledge and wisdom, much of which I was not yet ready to understand.
In addition to these experiences, I became a student in the ways of energy – how it flows, how it connects, how to understand its messages, how it can be moved, how it feels, how it changes, how we as humans experience it and, perhaps most importantly, how we can improve our abilities to work and play in this realm. Little did I know at the time that this too was a critical preparatory step in my path.
As I sensed the completion of my formal education in the realm of breath work, I was filled with curiosity as to where I would be led next. Subtle, the call was not. In short order I was called to deepen my understanding of and connection with Spirit through the wisdom of the Q’ero shamans of Peru. Over the next ten to twelve years I worked with several shamans in a one-on-one manner, underwent intensive formal training and education and ultimately received all of the Munay-Ki rites of empowerment thereby becoming a full Mesa carrier. Unlike the shamans who are masters in working with plant medicines, the Q’eros are lightbody masters, plying their wisdom in the realm of energies as benevolent guardians of Mother Earth.
I have also been blessed through my experience with numerous plant medicines, particularly Grandmother Ayahuasca. My relationship with her is ongoing, and that relationship has served as an integrative force, masterfully weaving together the wisdom gathered from my previous, seemingly disconnected paths. Through her wisdom and guidance my understanding of ‘how shit works’ continues to evolve.
What follows is an attempt to share some of that which has been revealed to me along my journey. If I were to describe my ‘superpower’ (by the way, everyone has superpowers) it would be an ability to translate the language of complex issues into everyday words, thereby facilitating an understanding of said complex issues. This is that.
As soon as one opts to dip a toe into the waters of a new experience of how shit works, one is immediately faced with a question. A serious question, to be sure. Until one can answer this single question, whatever awesomeness that is experienced remains suspect. How do I know if it’s ‘real’? How do I know if this is The Truth?
Imagine Einstein, in his cluttered civil service mailroom office, harnessing the brilliance of his mind to literally dream into existence an entirely new reality, the outline of which begins to take shape in the form of special relativity. How do we actually know that his musings led to a path of Truth?
The truth (pardon the pun) is that we can’t. Until such a time that a unifying theory / explanation of everything exists, which it doesn’t, applying the test of ‘Truth’ with a capital T is meaningless. There can be no singularity, no independent Truth against which we can test or compare alternatives. What we do have, what we can use to hopefully further our understanding of how shit works, are interpretive frameworks.
As humans, we are designed to explore, experience and then try to explain that which we experience. Einstein, through his famous ‘thought experiments’ created a different framework, a new perspective through which to interpret events. By applying this interpretive framework to observations made in the physical dimension, the trueness of the fit could be assessed. Does this new approach provide a better understanding of our world? If so, we adopt it until such a time that a new framework comes along that proves to be a better fit. And on and on, in theory each step taking us closer to The Truth.
I make no claims of knowing The Truth. What follows is the outline of an interpretive framework. If this approach, this framework, stands up to scrutiny and provides a better ‘fit’ to your experience of your world, then by all means adopt it until such a time that you find a better ‘fit’ for your experience. If, on the other hand, this doesn’t land with you, if it is not a better fit than that provided by whatever framework you are currently employing, then by all means throw it out.
Whatever you do, never stop searching for your truth.
-RBE