I have a pretty good idea where I need to go, and I am constantly learning and being shown what I can do to make that journey successful. It’s not unlike having an awesome trip coordinator telling me what I need to pack or, in my case, unpack. Mostly it’s the unpacking that I need help with. Yet I frequently find myself thinking and/or acting in ways that may not support my journey. Why does this happen? Why would I ever opt to hinder my progress? I have never understood this phenomenon. I have read countless theories as to why this happens. I have tried who knows how many things in an effort to rein in my seemingly misguided thoughts and actions. My efforts thus far have met with little success. Last night I was gifted an entirely new understanding of this very issue.
The true essence of each and every one of us, the real us, is an energetic being. As a result of my last journey I understand this now deeply and fully – not just as a mental construct. My essence needs a physical construct in order to exist in this realm. A physicality that allows me to experience all that this reality has to offer. That physical thing, my body, is in service of my true essence.
The physical component of our vessel is designed to protect our essence, as well as to provide the means to physically navigate this realm. The other component of our vessel is the electrical system – a vast series of sensors and control modules providing input to and receiving commands from a central processing unit. This, then, is the design of our vessel, our chariot. Note that we are of the chariot – we are not the chariot nor are we the charioteer.
In the early days of our manifestation (as a newborn) deep, fundamental programming is coming on-line. Most of these are preprogrammed instructions that address the basic use and control of the physical body. At the outset, we are quite limited in our ability to interact with this external reality. We pass through a prolonged period where we are essentially immobile, armed with a single method to communicate- crying. During that period most of the growth / maturation of our vessel and its capacities is happening out of sight. Sleep represents the required downtime for the installation of system updates, as well as system maintenance. Imagine bringing a crazy complex computer system on-line – core level processes must be initiated before higher level programs can function.
Our systems are designed to become almost self sufficient. As our experience of this reality expands, our vessels increasingly require guidance in order to successfully navigate this reality. This guidance, which originates from The Divine, is communicated to our vessel by our soul. Our essence, our soul, understands our purpose on this journey- experience this realm fully, learn what needs to be learned and then make our way back home. Our vessels do not concern themselves with these kinds of Big Picture issues.
One of the fundamental tasks of our vessel is to protect our essence. Think of our central processing unit as a truly next level Threat Assessment System. It is designed to monitor our external environment, constantly scanning for anything that has the potential to harm our soul. If and when a threat is identified, our vessel has access to a wide variety of defensive maneuvers.
Over time, with guidance from the soul, the system is capable of self correction, of learning. The system, with its myriad of sensors and an almost unlimited number of options for responses to various inputs, matures. Maybe not every perceived threat warrants an all-hands-on-deck panic response. Filters and lenses are created and used to modulate the incoming signals, allowing more nuanced threat identification routines. With this maturation comes a fine tuning of the defensive systems necessary to respond to perceived threats.
The true you – pure energy from the Source, a dense spot in the sea of cosmic energy – like a knot in a massive fishing net – is perfection beyond description. It is designed to maintain its connection to the Divine, as well as to every other thing. If all is right with the set-up a fully connected soul is supported, nourished and protected for the duration of its journey through this realm, while the vessel is guided and supported by Divine wisdom through the soul.
Unfortunately that’s not always what comes to pass, for the waters in which we find ourselves are not the crystalline clear waters of the Divine. No, the space we find ourselves attempting to navigate is soiled by the energetic detritus generated by every entity with whom we share these waters. Unhealed ancestral wound energy, misdirected energies launched in anger, fear energy that is the byproduct of operating from positions of scarcity – all the flotsam and jetsam of mis-spent energy clouds the waters that surround us.
If I don’t take care of my car – change the oil regularly, keep the engine tuned up, replace malfunctioning parts – it becomes less efficient. The amount of pollution generated by my car is inversely proportional to the efficiency with which it operates. If I don’t attend to my vessel, my operating efficiency suffers and the amount of pollution that I generate increases. This pollution is launched into the energetic ocean that surrounds us all. If I’m not careful I will be that noisy old truck weaving down the road, one windshield wiper flopping, doors held closed with a generous amount of duct tape, just spewing toxic energy. We all know that guy.
It is just not possible to navigate this realm without taking a few hits along the way. Various injuries are incurred as we are exposed to a variety of traumas. It is absolutely critical to understand that ALL of the injuries, the traumas are of THIS PLANE. They are an unavoidable facet of manifesting in this plane. While we are not in a position to realize it when we are young, most of the injuries that we incur along our journey are of our own making. Another truth is that every one of the so-called injuries we incur is, in fact, a blessing. For these challenges, if appreciated for what they are, can provide the impetus for growth. The lessons that they offer are like prizes in our own divine treasure hunt. Each of the prizes offers an understanding, a course correction, that we need if we are to successfully find our way home.
Occasionally we are hit with a trauma before we have accumulated the wisdom and experience necessary to successfully extract the prize within. If the trauma hits before our vessel is prepared to deal with it effectively- before we have the ability to morph the energy into a useful form – it can scare the shit out of our soul. Sometimes to the point that our soul actually wants to go home RIGHT NOW – like fuck it, I’m done with this game.
Unfortunately we don’t get to go home unless and until all of our soul is on the bus. Soul parts can’t just go home – but they sure as hell can hop out of the vessel. While this is certainly NOT recommended, it happens. So what happens to that piece of you that decides it doesn’t want to keep playing? My shamanic roots taught me that these soul parts wind up in the lower world, where they remain until they are reunited with their whole. The retrieval of these soul parts is the foundation of one of the powerful healings performed by energetic shamans.
Every time we experience the loss of part of our soul the remaining soul energy is depleted, and the critical oversight of our vessel is weakened. Picture a little tiny soul part just huddled in a dark corner of the vessel completely unable to provide the guidance needed to keep the vessel on the correct path. When this occurs the vessel just keeps doing what it does. Sensing, interpreting and reacting. However, in the absence of soul energy and wisdom, it loses its ability to self-correct, to grow. It can ONLY keep repeating the same old, tired tricks. Responses that were potentially soul-saving at one point of the journey no longer serve. Often they cause further duress. Yet with no soul wisdom or guidance, there is simply no way for the vessel to make a course correction, to interpret inputs in a different manner. The operating system becomes stuck in an endless loop. Anyone with even a modicum of coding experience recoils at the thought of this, a most feared coding snafu.
Our society is filled with people who are missing at least some, if not most of their soul energy. Because our collectively agreed upon reality refuses to acknowledge this process, we have no system in place to prevent or address this issue. We do not have an education system to guide our children through the process in a manner that will prevent, or at least minimize soul loss. Imagine if we could put such a system in place.
Remember- no one gets to go home unless every last soul part is on the bus. Wouldn’t it be so much more efficient to go through this journey with ALL of our soul, our connection to the divine, intact?
So how does this apply to the self sabotage thing? I recently brought my confusion and self doubt around this issue to Aya. In the midst of my journey I was reminded again of my true nature – loving, Divine energy. As I reveled in my re-discovery of my divine self, I was afforded an opportunity to meet and engage with what can best be described as the avatar of myself, my ego, or whatever name one chooses to refer to the dude who thinks he’s driving the bus.
As I observed The Dude doing his thing – flipping levers, throwing switches, tuning dials like some overworked air traffic controller – I was filled with tremendous admiration and awe. In that moment I understood the enormity of his responsibility. I also knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was absolutely giving his all to the job, doing his very best, and had been doing so all along.
I used this opportunity to engage with The Dude. First and foremost I was able to express deep gratitude for the amazing job he’s done thus far. I brought up the whole self sabotage issue. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but what I learned rocked me to my core. Quite simply, The Dude is doing the best he can to navigate through this realm. Unfortunately no one (i.e. me) has taken the time to explain to him what’s what – as in why we’re here and where we’re headed. Imagine trying to drive your car through the busiest of cities at rush hour with no clear idea as to your final destination.
In that moment I understood.
I understood the source of the underlying fear and anxiety we often experience.
I understood why we often feel lost. If we become confused and believe we are our vessels, we lose the divine guidance that our vessels so desperately need.
I understood that I need to forgive my ‘transgressions’.
I understood the importance of allowing my essence to express itself- for in that expression lies the necessary guidance for my vessel.
I understood that by reestablishing the connection and communication between my soul and my vessel I will never be alone.
I understood that I am not now, nor have I ever been, lost.
Above all, I know that I will find my way home.